I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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