the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
