his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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