I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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