38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
