You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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