im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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