So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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