The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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