oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
