I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
