The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
