I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I just sharted jello shots
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