If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
