We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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