Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
