I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
