i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
