Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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