What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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