I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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