There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
