If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
