she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
