You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
