I wish my penis had an off switch
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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