she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
