I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
