I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
