where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize