I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
