why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize