Define "chronic" masturbator.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
