big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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