Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize