So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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