She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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