So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
