apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize