god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
