I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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