i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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