i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
