he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
