Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
