Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
