I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
