How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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