Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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