wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
