Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
