2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
