it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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