Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
