Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
