I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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