At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
