When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
