; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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