Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
