I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
