hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
