Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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