that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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