what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
