It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
