dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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