I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
