how do flat chested girls get laid?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
