He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
