Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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