A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
