The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
