i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are the jesus of drinking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
