About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
