Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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