How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
