The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
