I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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