were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
