I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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