After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
