hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
