Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
