Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
