Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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