Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
