perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
