I wish you could order shots online.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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