my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
