Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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