YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
