DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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