Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
