My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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