the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
