Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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