so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
