that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
