he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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