I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize