I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
