When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
