you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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