i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
