Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
